Dear estranged couples


When a popular Nollywood actor died some weeks back, not a few sentimental tales followed the circumstances of his marital life. From claims of a mean spouse, who kept their children from him – even when he was on deathbed – to counterclaims of him being a deadbeat dad and an unworthy spouse of a successful (career) woman!

Unfortunately, the dead is not here to tell his side of the story, and whatever the other party says will be held with a pinch of salt by a section of the public.

I have a major message for couples, especially those who have children together but are no longer living together. But first, let me share this story: the lady that comes around to assist around the house informed me about a part-time caregiver job that she took up.

According to her, the patient should be in his late 50s, said to be an engineer who was relocated to his home town from the city for recovery. He had a stroke!

She told me that he wasn’t talking yet and had to be fed and cleaned up. Aside herself, the man’s younger brother, who keeps lamenting that what was supposed to be his short visit to Nigeria was already running into months because of his elder brother’s medical condition, is also helping out in taking care of him.

She said it was from the man’s brother that she learnt that the man’s wife was no longer living with him and she took the children with her.

A few more details about the man include his mood swings.

According to her, some days, he is angry and exceptionally difficult – spitting out food or outright refusing to eat – to deal with.

Other days, he seems resigned to his fate and would “just be crying”.

She said the calibre of visitors he receives shows he is “a big man”, said to have houses in town, apart from the “big house” he currently occupies.

I will not fault any woman that moves on when a marriage packs up, but what I preach is that we should not kill compassion towards the other parent in children.

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No matter what has happened, when the other party is down, encourage the children to reach out to them and show support. It could be all the healing they need.

When we let compassion lead, we are doing God’s work!

The attitude of a lot of men towards the children when a marriage has packed up leaves so much to be desired. I expect to see men who MOVE MOUNTAINS to be in the life of their children but the reverse is often the case!

What a lot of these men do is akin to waiting for the children to be brought to their doorstep before they can be a father, and most women are not having that.

I am a mother and I know that it is not in me to force any child of mine to have a relationship with a father who cannot afford to make efforts to be in their lives.

One of the issues I intervened in involved a father who was not making any effort to be present in the life of his child, but busy accusing the ex of keeping the child away from him.

When the lady opened her mouth, I knew immediately who was guilty.

How are you a father to a child you neither know their school nor contributed a dime to their welfare for years?

Men, regardless of your relationship with the mother of your children, please go out of your way to have a relationship with your children.

You are not showing desperation or weakness.

Those children are your blood, and you deserve a space in their lives. ,

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